America, watch out! There have been some caucuses over the past month and while it looked like Trump was only in second place for a while behind Ted Cruz after the Iowa caucus, man has that all changed. Trump is polling like a MF’er and winning first place just like he’ll make America win first place again when he’s President of this great land. Look out, Hillary Clinton—that is, if you can win better than just nudging past Bernie Sanders.
So I got down with some research and I’m going to give you the quick and dirty on the two types of American voters in this American election in 2016:
1. Bernie Bro poplulists
2. Make America Great Again polulists
Notice the word “populist?” Yes, that’s right. My research tells me people want someone who’s gonna kick ass and take names for the American people, no matter which side of the political fence they park their trailer.
That means anything “establishment” is out. No one wants an establishment candidate. Who wants another Clinton? And no one definitely wants another Bush—as evidenced by Jeb’s need to make the decision to cut and run last week.
Let’s examine my research a little further.
I did a poll of myself and my hot girlfriend, Krystal Lee, and a bunch of guys down at Peete's Place, the best Texas watering hole you could ever set foot in if you were lucky enough to be in Texas and the place I spend more than half of my time in. Here's what it showed:
So yes, populism is the thing, America. Here we go. But only one side has a handle on what will truly make America shine like the carefully polished brass shotgun shells my grandfather keeps for when he’s hunting fowl out in the Texas wilderness. America should shine like those shells and Trump will make it happen, folks.
And what’s more, smart people know that Trump is the only candidate who tells the truth. Truthers gotta have truth and Trump throws out truth with precision like flaming ninja throwing stars. This man is no politician or corporate puppet. He’s been in practically every back room and boardroom there is in America and he knows what really goes on behind the scenes—and he’s happy to share all of that secret information right with us. Just look at his Twitter. Plus, a businessman is just exactly what we need to get this Government-gone-wild under control. Trump runs many businesses—hotels, casinos, golf courses, and who could forget The Apprentice. If those accomplishments don’t have “presidential” written all over them, I don’t know what does.
When we finally have someone back in the White House who will protect our freedom by building a wall to keep the illegals out and getting our goverment under control, who has a smokin’ hot model wife and a smokin’ hot businesswoman daughter that is when we as Americans will see our winning streak return.
Truth? Check. Justice? Check. The American way? Double-check for Trump. If you’re not planning to vote for Trump this election season I’m sorry to say that you, my friend, are an idiot and also a huge loser.