America, I polled the guys at Peete's Place and the construction company where I work part time and crunched some numbers, and here is what I'm seeing. Looks like it's time for Krystal Lee to guest post. I guess a woman view on politics can't be all that bad as long as she's hot (and Krystal Lee is smokin' hot). Based on the data below, I'm going to give Krystal Lee the green light and have her do a post from the lady perspective about how awesome Sarah Palin and Trump would be as President and Vice President.
America, watch out! There have been some caucuses over the past month and while it looked like Trump was only in second place for a while behind Ted Cruz after the Iowa caucus, man has that all changed. Trump is polling like a MF’er and winning first place just like he’ll make America win first place again when he’s President of this great land. Look out, Hillary Clinton—that is, if you can win better than just nudging past Bernie Sanders.
So I got down with some research and I’m going to give you the quick and dirty on the two types of American voters in this American election in 2016:
1. Bernie Bro poplulists
2. Make America Great Again polulists
Notice the word “populist?” Yes, that’s right. My research tells me people want someone who’s gonna kick ass and take names for the American people, no matter which side of the political fence they park their trailer.
That means anything “establishment” is out. No one wants an establishment candidate. Who wants another Clinton? And no one definitely wants another Bush—as evidenced by Jeb’s need to make the decision to cut and run last week.
Let’s examine my research a little further.
I did a poll of myself and my hot girlfriend, Krystal Lee, and a bunch of guys down at Peete's Place, the best Texas watering hole you could ever set foot in if you were lucky enough to be in Texas and the place I spend more than half of my time in. Here's what it showed:
So yes, populism is the thing, America. Here we go. But only one side has a handle on what will truly make America shine like the carefully polished brass shotgun shells my grandfather keeps for when he’s hunting fowl out in the Texas wilderness. America should shine like those shells and Trump will make it happen, folks.
And what’s more, smart people know that Trump is the only candidate who tells the truth. Truthers gotta have truth and Trump throws out truth with precision like flaming ninja throwing stars. This man is no politician or corporate puppet. He’s been in practically every back room and boardroom there is in America and he knows what really goes on behind the scenes—and he’s happy to share all of that secret information right with us. Just look at his Twitter. Plus, a businessman is just exactly what we need to get this Government-gone-wild under control. Trump runs many businesses—hotels, casinos, golf courses, and who could forget The Apprentice. If those accomplishments don’t have “presidential” written all over them, I don’t know what does.
When we finally have someone back in the White House who will protect our freedom by building a wall to keep the illegals out and getting our goverment under control, who has a smokin’ hot model wife and a smokin’ hot businesswoman daughter that is when we as Americans will see our winning streak return.
Truth? Check. Justice? Check. The American way? Double-check for Trump. If you’re not planning to vote for Trump this election season I’m sorry to say that you, my friend, are an idiot and also a huge loser.
It is New Year’s Day, the dawn of a new year in America and I couldn’t be happier. Let’s start off with a personal announcement: after a long and torturous breakup with my high school sweetheart, Mindy Sue, that dragged along in the background through much of 2014 and 2015, I’ve finally moved on and landed a smokin’ hot new all-American babe, Krystal Lee. Below is a photo we had our friend Shylene who is a freelance photographer take (Shylene does mostly weddings and baby stuff so if you're getting hitched or got a bun in the oven, email me so I can hook you up) because, ouch! Sizzle, sizzle! Given today’s difficult ultra-feminist environment I felt it important to give credit where credit is due before I go on about her womanly flaws, hidden though they may be—so that was a moment to celebrate and appreciate the things she does right. Many (too many, if you ask me) women these days hate “the patriarchy” and strive to feel appreciated, so giving credit is beyond important in a healthy partnership—unless you want to experience a long and torturous breakup that lasts for two years, and believe me, you don’t want that. You want the sizzle!
For our first New Year’s Eve together, Krystal Lee and I decided to throw a party at the trailer park where her parents live. This would be a great chance to get to know each other’s friends and family, we thought.
Krystal Lee’s friend Jeremy hit on me at the party. He thought I looked like something he called a “bear,” which he finds sexy. I was completely shocked because I don’t for one second believe myself to look gay. Instead I find myself sexy in an undeniable way, but a way that attracts similarly sexy females. But more than that, I had no idea that Krystal Lee has a gay friend. So along with Krystal Lee’s idea of reducing “the patriarchy,” this is something I’ll need to work on getting used to in 2016.
But perhaps the biggest shock of this New year’s Eve 2015 was learning that Krystal Lee can’t cook. Not even eggs. Any American man who may find himself in a similar situation, you have my sympathies. I’m going to share with you here what I did to correct it. It’s a simple trick and one that I’m sure any American male with a woman who can’t cook can pull off.
The trick is to put your woman on “condiment duty.” It’s genuis. Allow me to explain. Every American meal contains at least one of these: burgers or hot dogs. And usually burgers and hot dogs are grilled by a man (in this case, it was me), whether outside on a manly grill the size of a Bently or inside on a grill pan. And given that, there will most certinly be a need for ketchup, mustard and/or relish. That’s where your woman who can’t cook comes in. Krystal Lee and I collaborated to create a “Condiment Kween” body-hugging tank a’la Hooters for her to wear while on “condiment duty.” And since the winters are warmer here in Texas, this worked out exceptionally well.
Krystal Lee donned the tank and instantly morphed into everyone’s own personal “Condiment Kween” for the evening. Complete with a holster to carry the condiments, Krystal Lee was tasked with walking around and sexily unholstering the ketchup, mustard and/or relish and then, with a cute little smile, squirting them onto everyone’s burgers and hot dogs.
Did it work?
Like a charm!
2015 has been the year that just wouldn't quit for Americans in America. First there was an ISIS terrorist attack on the French satirical magazine, Charlie Hebdo, in France, capped by another ISIS terrorist attack in France in November. These attacks in France show that ISIS is growing, proving that Americans have much to fear right here on our own turf. Aside from that, in America we're losing jobs to robots and foreigners, Wall Street is getting fatter, there are too many richies, some kid did a hit and run because he has affluenza (excuse me but if he grew up in my house he would have been put over Pa's knee and lashed with a belt for a half hour or so, then had his hunting privileges taken for a week, so it never would have even come to affluenza and definitely not the hit and run part), the Second Amendment is in jeopardy each and every day, and McDonalds is talking about serving kale. Talk about darkness.
As a qualified American, I look to other qualified Americans for guidance and leadership. After all, being the best is what America is best at, so America is the first place to look for leadership whenever the world begins to become a dark place.
As 2015 draws to a close and we look forward to ringing in the New Year, I think it's safe to say that no one American has come out and proven time and again that he is better equipped to lead than Donald Trump. Dare I say it? He's become a ray of hope. And don't quote me on this but I'm hedging my bets on a Trump/Cruz ticket in November. Unbeatable. Wouldn't that be sweet.
Some say that Donald Trump is brash. Others say he's sexist. Or racist. Or whatever. I say, nonsense. The man tells it like it is, and I'll be damned if we couldn't use someone like that in The White House for once. Calling out Carly Fiorina for being ugly and going public about banning Muslims is nothing more than stating the unsavory obvious. Freedom of speech is what America was founded on and it's about time we all felt free enough to get back to using it.
Among other American things, I'll be covering all things Trump and politics all year, moving into Election Day 2016 (Tuesday, November 8 for the uninitiated), to help guide those who need it and show everyone who is not already American the American way—the greatest way. Our National dialogue is turning, people are waking up, and American politics have never been more exciting!
I'm Frye Zantini, American historian, journalist, author of America the Great: The Land of Our Forefathers That Keeps On Giving, NRA member, responsible gun owner, Texan and all-around burly-fine specimen of masculinity. A life-long American and borderline Millennial, I've been living here for 36 years—since I was born—and I love America. I love everything about it. And I've got an itchin' to share everything I love about this great country and then some with you, right here in this all-American guide. I've covered American politics and all things American for half my life, studying American history at Houston Community College and getting my start in journalism as the chief National America correspondent at the Houston Daily Trumpet. I am a qualified American.
So sit back, relax, lay that beautiful Winchester against the fireplace for safe keeping, climb aboard and let my extremely qualified hands do the typing as I share American greatness with you on this all-American ride. From sea to shining sea.